My favorite down time…

Happy Sunday! My favorite day of the week. After spending a day back home with my parents, running errands and going to Korean spa with my mom (my fave!), it’s finally time to just have some time to myself. I’ve already worked out, stopped by David’s, and got my coffee at a cafe.

I don’t care what people say about Sundays, but there’s something about Sundays that I’ve always liked. Because my dad always worked on Sundays while I was growing up, my mom, my brother, and I would go to church in the morning and get take out jja jang myun and gyoza for lunch. Then we would clean the house together and go see dad at work. My family only had one car, so the three of us would take the bus to Lotte World where my dad worked, and go to an Italian restaurant there for dinner. It was the fancy day of the week. 

I don’t normally watch Korean shows, but I came across an interview of Yoo jin from S.E.S. last night. As she talked about her beginnings in Korea as an entertainer in late 1990’s, I thought about my last few years in Korea before my family came to California. I remember being excited about going to a school with the best looking uniform in the district and staying up super late to study for quarter finals. Then I just wondered how different my life would’ve been if my parents had not decided to leave everything behind in Seoul. I won’t say I’m so blessed and thankful that I came here, because I’m sure my life would’ve turned out fine in Korea. I would’ve gone to college, gotten a job, and moved on with my life like that…

In the midst of all my mumblings of disorganized thoughts, I’m thankful for everyone during the tough patches of my life. Everyday I’m just in an awe of how rich my life is in relationships. 

I have to learn to be strong.

You have to learn to be strong. Strength is something that people often see as keeping one’s self together at all times – never falling and never failing. The truth is the strongest people fall a lot and they fail a lot, but they always endure. Strength is gained from trying, it is gained from participating fully in life; it is gained from facing your fears and from persevering, and picking yourself up after you’ve fallen greatly. No two people have the same strength because no two people have the same experience. We all have our limits but our greatest strength is discovered when those limits are tried and tested. But you have to learn strength on your own.

You have to learn to be happy. Happiness is not something you can buy or earn, it is something you are and have; it is a state of mind. Sometimes people believe if only they’d get a certain job or move to a certain place or get to be with a certain person, they’ll be happy. But it doesn’t work like that. Happiness is something that you choose despite all the difficulties that you face. And even in the midst of life’s painful events, it is a choice that you can make. Happiness isn’t delusional or pretentious and it does not ignore suffering, but it is the choice to be grateful and count one’s blessings in spite of suffering. But you have to learn to be happy on your own.

You have to learn to forgive. Forgiveness is one of the most difficult lessons because being hurt is part of the nature of existing. The most difficult people to forgive are the people who are close to us; the people who we love the most. It makes sense of course, those who know what make us most vulnerable have the power to hurt us greatly. And in their human imperfection, they inevitably will. But forgiveness sets you free because hardheartedness cripples you; you are the one who doesn’t feel free when you don’t forgive. And as much as forgiveness is also for the one who errs, it is more for the one who is wronged. But you have to learn to forgive on your own.

You have to learn to love yourself. Loving yourself is an enigma because on one hand, there are many ways in which you and I are great – there are truly things about us that are wonderful and inspiring. But we also have shortcomings and these shortcomings cause us to question our self-worth and whether who we are is enough for others; whether who we are is enough for ourselves. When you love yourself, you accept your good with your bad and you realize no matter how imperfect you are, your beauty is greater than your imperfections. But you have to learn to love yourself on your own.

I would like to learn all these things to perfection, and I would like to teach them to others especially those who need it the most. But I have found my practice of these things imperfect, and my teaching futile, and I have found myself to be a hypocrite. I am not always as strong as I should be, or happy, or forgiving, and I do not always love myself. So perhaps the most important lesson I have learned is that all of these things that I have to learn on my own are things I’ll spend my entire lifetime learning. 

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/things-you-have-to-learn-on-your-own/

From Isabelle

BFF Weekend

Christine is visiting me from DC this weekend. This girl has left me in Los Angeles all by myself in April of 2011 and I was never able to fill up this BFF void, but makes sure to surprise me with a visit like this!

Not sure what we have planned, but will definitely involve eating lots of good food and being “so LA” all weekend long!

Wisdom from my mom… and a few notes on my faith

“때로는 공백이 약이될수 있으니까, 마음의 여유를 갖으렴”

I’ll be honest - sometimes my mom annoys me. We argue at times and clash with each other because we are very much alike. But every time I talk to her about things going on my life, my outlook immediately becomes wisdom-fied from her. I never really understood 100% what she meant by certain things she says. Sometimes I’m confused and sometimes I demand a clearer answer, but she always knows where I need to go back to - and with that kind of discernment from her, I am very much encouraged to love myself and live my life. 

Sometimes… or most of the time, I think certain things will make me happy. Whether it be new clothes, bag, friends, or whatever I am desiring at the moment, I think I will be satisfied. There were certainly times when I was happy from getting what I want. However, as I get older and older, the duration of satisfaction gets shorter and shorter. Everything becomes momentary and less satisfying (and maybe less desirable).  Then where do I need to seek this ultimate satisfaction that I am longing for? What makes me truly happy? If you know me well enough (or have been reading my tumblr long enough) the answer lies in my relationship with Jesus and truly seeking the reality in Him.

I realized that there were times when I was not 100% comfortable with my faith. I still may not be. Writing about my faith in such a public forum (despite the lack of readership) actually took a lot of gut. I didn’t want to be labeled as the judgmental Christian girl (but c’mon, everyone is judgmental), nor did I want to appear as self-righteous and narrow-minded being. Maybe this is the reason why I was never fully involved with church nor ministries in college. But now, I think I am comfortable with expressing my faith and my belief. I won’t voluntarily and forcefully try to evangelize anyone nor talk about this unsolicited (except on this blog I maintain), but this is such an important part of who I am at my very core.

I don’t believe that my faith in religious. Thanks to Pastor Chi, I’ve learned that this faith I have is the reality in Jesus Christ. It’s not about being moral or not moral - there are so many good non-believers out there and I can 100% attest to this. Then what is it about, ultimately? It’s about receiving a new life and being set free from all the rules.

With this freedom that I am receiving on a daily basis and every second of my life, I am satisfied.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/31/magazine/is-giving-the-secret-to-getting-ahead.html?src=me

Would love to be blogging right now..

.. but have some work stuff to wrap up by tomorrow morning. This isn’t going to be fun.

This weekend was productive yet lazy. 

What’s on my mind right now?

Upcoming trip to Philly, nervous about this week, wanting to take a break way from it all… basically, all things first world problems.

Savoring life.

It’s been a while… I can never get a hold of this time that passes by too quickly. I’m always wrapped up with things I pile on my plate, and wonder if I should take some time to get away from it all. I have this inkling that I need a change of scenery, a get-away, or a break-free from starting at my work monitor for 10 hours every day from Monday to Friday and trying to catch up on sleep, life, and people on weekends. And that cycle repeats itself over and over again.

Jessica Lum passed away sometime last week. I didn’t really know her that well; she as a friend of a friend. I remember her as a quirky girl who was into photography back in college. I’d hang out with a friend of mine from one of my differential equations classes (err or linear algebra, was it?) and she’d sometimes come with us to eat or whatever. I don’t know exactly what condition she had, but I saw a glimpse of her a Janet’s funeral last year. She’s no longer on this earth with us. Upon hearing this news, all my problems seemed so small.

A co-worker of mine passed away last Sunday. I believe it was the night after celebrating his brother’s wedding. He was only 31, and he was talented. I’m not sure what caused it all, but I sincerely wished that I had the opportunity to get to know him more, aside from occasional hello’s in the office. He always enjoyed getting popcorn from the Rodeo building. I should have tagged along. All my problems, once again, seem so small.

I don’t mean to sound depressing, but I really want to remind myself to enjoy life. I’ve noticed how perpetually anxious I’ve been in the past year. I’m constantly worried about all these grand real-life “problems” I seem to face. But the truth is, I just haven’t been securing my peace in God… I have no other clever way to put it, but I just know His sovereignty will take care of me. I will be fine. And despite whatever happens to me, it will all be in His plans.